If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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