I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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