I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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