You really coming over, don't trick.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
