Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize