she was so not down for the gang bang
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
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