I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
