Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
