I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
