I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
