If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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