his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
