I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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