how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i think i just lost a toe
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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