I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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