Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
