It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What did we do last night that was yellow?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
