yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
