I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
