so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
