Me. At least after what I've been through.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
