I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
