i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
