Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
