I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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