she was so not down for the gang bang
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
