I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
