how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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