he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
