I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
