I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
