I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Randomize
