i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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