Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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