He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
