well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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