Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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