she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
