after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
whose ass print is on the piano?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
