hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
