So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
