I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
