I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
