Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
