When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
