he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
