Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
