Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize