first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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