Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
