I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
