Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
