I looked at my own cervix.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
