Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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