there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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