Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize