fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
