Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
