billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
