there was a trapeze. enough said
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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