Heybabeimwearingurpanties
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
