2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
