I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
