i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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