Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
