I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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